whispering..

The pain and the sadness i feel confusing me.. when i have felt comfortable enough with this, but then there is compulsion that i have to tease it away.. all the comfort that i never had before.. i'm trying to holding on to what i believe, but the more compulsions come, the loose that it get.. i know time will prove whether i'm wrong.. and it so much cant come right now because i need some changes.. i need that improvement.. and i dont think i'm passion enough for that..

I'm clueless.. I dont know what to do, not even know that i'm doing the right thing.. I've been there before.. when it felt like there was big stone in my chest..i'm breathless, suffocating and wedged in the middle..so much i've tried to escape from it.. and i've made it. but now i'm in the tip of a cliff, there are only 2 options, jump or offense myself.. if i jump, i'll be there again..being trapped in that stone, breathless, suffocating.. which so much i dont want to.. but i cant offense myself too.. i know i'm not strong enough to do it.. and i never know which one will break me.. jump or offense myself..
i just want to runaway..never look back, never get back..